VaVaVoom! The DESPERATE Love Story!

Once upon a time, in a far away land, where the sun shines desperately, there lived a little lady named Vava-Voom! She was a science teacher. And she was exceptional in her job! She had developed quickly the characteristic smile that rendered us (her students) clueless as to what she was thinking at any given time, and at the same time, she was able to tune us ALL out at once!!! Nothing at all phased her! She had this fierce calm about her that somtimes caused us all to worry about our futures if we continued to be naughty. I, however was the angel of the class. I would sit quietly and listen. Really! (*insert halo, harp music, and big grins here*).

Over the years, I wondered where she dissappeared to. And alas, I happened to run smack into her (with a minor thud) on facebook and discovered that she set sail for the same land I did: CANADA!!! I also noticed that her maiden name was gone in lieu of another, and she sounded so desperately happy whenever we would chat online. I saw her recently at an event, and she looks exactly the way I remember her, except for one small thing. She is regressing in age physically! I am now looking older than she does! She told me the story of how she met this man, and how they got married. I guess love does keep one young and supple! So, that story checked into a room through my ear into my brain, where it took residence, flung itself into a cauldron and stewed itself for a while, and I am now ready to tell you the version of this true story in the way it has...*cough-cough* developed!

Once upon a time, in the land of the desperate sun, there lived a lovely little lady named vAVa-VooM!!! In this part of the story, she is asleep in bed, lightly snoring away, in her night cap and flannel sheets, emitting "Z's" with each expired breath. The sun rises, and one would think she would rise to the music of the little birdies on her windowsills, with the little woodland creatures, and the nymphs and shepherds, who would have hovered over her, watching her sleep (Hmmmmm! Creepy!) and would play their harps wafting her to the land of wakefulness, where she would, with a very light and crystal-clear soprano voice, sing with them, while dining on berries that they gathered for her all night long. Well, not quite! She did indeed have the nymphs, shepherds and woodland creatures show up at her windowsills. But as the sun began to sing, she shot up out of bed in full split, arms spread and with a big grin, screaming, "YIPEE!!!" In doing so, she knocked out three shepherds and two nymphs by sending them flying into the wall SPLAT, and after five seconds, they slid down the wall to the floor unconscious and losing their two front teeth!

Without wasting a moment, she flung herself into a telephone booth. Now, let me state that anybody with half a brain would know that you can have a telephone booth in your closet. One never knows when one is going to need one. So she flings herself into it, and comes out three seconds later dressed as wonderwoman. "Hmmm!" she thought. "Wrong costume!" And after several attempts, gave up and settled for the little Bo-Peep costume! So she put her hair into pigtails and put on her little bonnet, and had an unexplained urge to go visit some sheep on a nearby hillside. So, she packed her little picnic basket, and went skipping daintily on her way.

Whilst skipping daintily along, she realized that she did not know where exactly she was going, but kept on skipping daintily along and singing, "LAALALAALALAAH!!". As soon as she turned the corner, she ran smack into a man...LITERALLY! They both collided in mid air, which sent her basket flying, and his little bundle on a stick flying in the opposite direction. They were suspended from terra firma for about five seconds before they both fell to the ground, she with little testubes circling her head, and him, little beating hearts!

When she came to, VAva-VoOm said, "Mommy I do not want to go to school today, and I like mint jelly!!!!" and then giddily passed out again. The young man, Egbert, got up and picked her up and set her down by a tree. When she arose, she saw him, and they both fell desperately in love! To make sure that it was true love though, she took him by surprise and clobbered him senseless with a frozen hamhock and waited. When he came to, he was still desperately in love with her. She was so beside herself with glee that she kept having to pinch herself very hard to snap herself out of the delirious euphoria that surrounded and eventually oozed out of her corpus!

The two got married and now live in Canada, and are still so gleefully in love, and live in a little shoe in the middle of the glens of Mississauga!

THE END!!!

Isn't that lovely, hmmm? Don't you just love happy endings???

MOI