PERMA-NAMA-NAMA-NENT!!!!

It is with the most DESPERATE of GLEES that I can zwiddle a-luft, that I announce to one and all, that all attempts to have me shipped out of Canada have failed, and will continue to do so. I AM NOW A PERMA-NAMA-NENT RESIDENT in the country of Canada!!! I am one giant twister-move to becoming a citizen of this great country!!!

But of course, let me share with you the events that led up to this great moment in time:

2004. I packed up my meagre belongings and left my home in Kingston, Jamaica. My father drove me to the airport. My traveling route was to fly to Montego Bay on Air Jamaica, and then, continue on Air Canada to Toronto, with a connecting flight to Winnipeg. I checked in for my flight, got my favourite seat, and proceeded to the departure lounge. My flight should have left at 8:30AM. I began to worry when it was past 10:00AM and we had not been called for our flight! Then the next announcement I heard sent shivers down my bosoms! "May I have your attention please. All passengers already checked in on Air Jamaica flight 021 with service to Montego Bay, your flight has been cancelled. We regret the inconvenience." As I sat there, I thought to myself that I will miss my connexion and that would be that. So I darted to the ticket counter to try to get on to the Air Jamaica Express flight going to Montego Bay. It was already full! So then, I began looking into my options: Do I spend copious amounts of the little money I had to hire a taxi to risk killing me to take me to Montego Bay on the double, or do I give up and wait for tomorrow? And then, by Divine inspiration, I had an idea! I had learnt of an Air Jamaica flight going to Toronto non-stop that day. Maybe I could get myself on that flight!!! So I skipped daintily (this was before I learned how to zwiddle desperately) back to the counter and FLUNG myself upon the counter BEGGING the sweet battle-axe on the other side to get me ON that flight, and she did just that! She gave me the last seat available!!! Of course, this was after showing some ham-hock on the side you know. I was desperate!!!

When I was getting ready to land in Winnipeg, I remember wondering where the heck was I! All I saw from the window of the plane was...miles and miles of, farmland! As we were coming in for final approach, I began to see houses and other edifices. My goodness I was in the middle of nowhere!!! And thus, my life in Winnipeg began!

During the two years I lived in Winnipeg, I experienced great joys and sadnesses. After following the instructions to change my status to student, given to me by the International Student Office, they proved to be incorrect, and I was ordered to leave Canada. I appealed of course, because I could not just leave like that. Canada, at that point, was my ONLY shot at a possible career. So, for six months, while I waited for the appeal to be processed I lived in fear of being deported! Every night I went to sleep, I lived in fear of any kind of knocking at the door, or any shadows gliding past my door in the night. I memorized where all the important stuff I'd need in that event, and I was just uneasy for the entire time. BUT, in ALL of that time, something with happening to me that I was not aware of. My faith in God was getting stronger!!!

Eventually, I left the country and went back to Jamaica to the Canadian High Commission there, and got the paperwork all sorted out, and in a month, was able to return.

It was also during my time in Winnipeg that something else that was very strange began to happen. Somehow, people in Winnipeg got it into their heads that, if seasoned thoroughly, I'd roast up, or bake up quite nicely! Thus began the reign of the cannibals!!! I began having bizarre dreams of being chased by hungry, drooling Winnipeggers aiming me into a cauldron, or a vat of a good rub, or something of that nature. They just did not (and still do not) believe it when I said that I was NOT and still am NOT edible, and that even if captured and marinated, I'd be a most unco-operative meal!! Even in my last trip there, there were little kids gnawing on me for dessert!!! AAAAACK!!! But despite all the teeth marks and cinnamon in my hair, I still love this city, and go back to visit every chance I get...in STEALTH mode of course! And, while living there, I made two attempts (one in 2005 and the other in 2006) to establish permanent residency, but to no avail.

2006. Toronto! I packed up my meagre possessions once again and took flight to Toronto. Leaving Winnipeg was very hard for me. It felt like leaving mother!!! But it was time to zwiddle desperately onwards and outwards. I moved to Toronto and continued my quest for establishing myself as a permanent fixture. I was back in school (this time, it was Opera School), and singing up a storm. From that time until now, I have survived one of the biggest immigration scares of my life, rented a room in the home of a hoarder, been treated shamefully by some, but still, my faith continued to grow! Finally, when I made my third attempt to 'emigrate' in 2007, I then went into a very frustrating wait! For two whole years, the only thing I got from them was a letter acknowledging receipt of my application. It got to the point where I nearly gave up because it seemed as if they had either forgotten me, or that somehow, I had fallen through the cracks. With the help on an immigration lawyer, we began to slowly get some answers, and we both did a lot more waiting! But during that time, my faith continued to grow, even though I could not see or perceive it. Every time people would ask me about where my application was at, it would feel like twisting the dagger around in my pork! It hurt! And just when I was at the point of throwing my hands up in the air in defeat, things began to flow. I got a letter requesting police clearances, then medical examinations, and other letters they needed. And then, on Friday September 17th 2010 @ 10:33AM, a letter is delivered to me from the Canadian High Commission in Jamaica! I hold my breath desperately! I turn three shades of bronze!!! I open it, and see *drum roll* THE CONFIRMATION OF PERMANENT RESIDENCE certificate!!! Thanks be to ALMIGHTY GOD!!! Here I am!!

Now do not forget to check out my other bloggy address at http://godivaspot.blog.com and catch up on the specific moments in times leading up to this point. I am sure you'll find it...interesting!

MOI

My Myriad Ramblings On, and other Warblings, etc.

And now (*curtain slowly rises*) I am BACH to BLOGGIIIIIING!!!! (*oprah*) I have in recent times stopped blogging because I thought that no one was paying any attention to what I had to say, but now, I have come to the desperate conclusion that it is OK if no one is listening, or in this case, reading! I have been doing so well at talking to myself, and answering my own questions that there is no reason why it should bother me that no one is paying attention.

Within the past fortnight, I have been wondering certain things. One of those things I have been wondering is what life would be like for me if I was a shoe, or rather a pair of shoes. Now this conversation, I can see, would cause the person on the other end to develop a sudden severe case of constipation, or they may all of a sudden be endowed with the urge to watch paint dry, or to plant themselves in a garden watching little things grow, but this has stirred up some interesting thoughts, and of course, due to my generous nature, I am going to share them with you!

Being a pair of shoes would provide an interesting perspective on life. First, one would get to see everything at ground level. I do not think it would be so bad because then, I get to see what other shoes have to endure from the people wearing them. I'd hope that my owner would have well-kept feet though. I cannot imagine what it would be like if my owners had feet riddled with athlete's foot, or bunions, or anything of the sort. But I digress. Getting to see life at ground level is very educational, because there is a lot that goes on south of our borders than we realize, and I'd get a front row seat to see who the secret snackers, and the perverts are, and knowing that being down there, I can be at the ready to give a swift kick to someone being naughty, or attempting to get fresh!

One gets to GO places! And in going there, I'd get to meet other shoes and find out their stories. If shoes could talk, they'd have a lot to say, and in my little world, they do! So then, I'd get to conspire with other shoes to go on a mutiny and leave our respective masters, and see the world, ON OUR OWN TIME!!! Have you ever noticed that when you are looking for one or a pair of shoes that seem to be missing for some reason, and you've heard it said many times, "well, they did not just get up and walk away, did they?"? Well (*baritone chuckle*), I guess I will leave it at that.

As a pair of shoes, I do not have to bother myself with such boring details as explaining myself to anyone. The main reason for that is that I always have a foot in my mouth, literally! The only thing that I'd have an aversion to are DOGS! Cats I do not mind at all because all they can do to you is to rub themselves in and out of you, and drool all over you, especially when your master has a particularly ripe and well-aged pair of feet! Dogs on the other hand have a tendency to drag you all over the house, and outside and every which way, and chew you to bits! Maybe I was a pair of shoes in another lifetime (even though I do not believe in past life stuff). That would explain my particular resistance to being chewed, eaten, or in any other way masticated!!

And finally, no one would accuse me of being crazy. Shoes just, supposedly, sit there. Or so we'd love you to keep thinking! I'd sit there literally beside myself in glee at the myriad ways I could drive my master out of his tree. For instance, when put in the cupboard or shoe closet, or by the door, most likely, I'd be put in line with myself, laces tucked in, and neatly stowed. Assuming that my master is a desperate neat freak, I can easily pigeon-toe myself, just to drive him batty. Another way is, once cleaned and spit-shined, I could find a nice puddle outside to undo all that hard work in one fell swoop! That of course would start a chain of events, like, send my master into a mental tailspin, especially seeing that he lives alone, and is obsessed with being neat ALL the time! It'd be TOO easy! And then, when he goes for therapy, he'll blame me, the shoes, and then, they'd never let him walk out. They'd carry him out, all trussed up in a nice white belted suit and taken somewhere to be sanitized, while I'd be free to roam about and continue to see the world!

Oh this is TOO much fun!!!

Just in case you didn't know it...

It's FACTOID TUESDAY!!! So, here are se7en things I have noted in the last week, which I am sure will tickle you senseless, and if not, they'll tickle me senseless just writing about them:

1. Cannibals DO exist in Toronto, though half of them are in denial and the other in the closet!

2. Torontonians seem to enjoy their constipated demeanor and have a desperate aversion to fibre! They remind me of 4PM Saturdays in Superstore in Steinbach, MB with the omas!

3. The fact that babies coo and drool while gawking at me does not always mean they enjoy my company. Most of the time, it means they are hungry and teething and want something rubbery to gnaw on.

4. Hurricane Infant, which descended upon Toronto a fortnight ago, is petering out slowly, but is still packing quite the wallop and is still wreaking havoc in his wake!

5. Making the decision to leave facebook and begin blogging again is one of the most liberating experiences...this week at least!

6. Brick walls and glass doors do not soften with time!

7. In blasting your way through there like a truck in a Wagnerian or Strauss orchestra, a beautiful tone is an absolute waste of time. You are much better off with a factory whistle, foghorn or buzz-saw kind of voice, with a seismic cutting edge.