I am concerned!

Over the last few years I have had to, on myriad occasions, stave off attacks upon my corpus, by those of you out there who insist on thinking that I am a gourmet menu item. All my efforts to dissuade you seem to be futile!

I have learned recently that some of you have sunk to a whole new low level of depravity! As I was giddily minding my own business, I was informed by more than one of you that a company has risen up against me, called JABACON and other Williamson Products, Inc. I am not making this up you know, and to prove it, THEY EVEN HAVE A FACEBOOK PAGE COMMITTED TO IT!!!! The interesting thing to note about all of this is that I have never once been contacted about this, seeing that all the products are supposedly to come from different parts of my corpus, and therefore seem to be expected to co-operate with such nonsense!

Firstly, I am here to prove that all of this is a FRAUD!!! If you look at the picture on the front of that facebook page, you will note that there is a slab of red meat on the front, with good old Percy claiming that that cut came from MOI! That could NOT have come from me, because I have ham-hocks, not beef shanks! And also, as far as I can tell, I am still very much intact, and in possession of ALL of my pork!

Secondly, one of YOU (you were supposed to be my friends, by the way!) has placed an unscrupulous order for various choice cuts of me! Cuts like, my ham-hocks, pork butt roast, fat back, baby-back ribs, and my trotters! Also, a little birdie told me that someone is planning to harvest me for collagen for anti-wrinkle creams!!! I know that a few of you have been begging for a 'piece of me' but this is utterly ridiculous!!! I simply refuse to co-operate with this, and you are going to have to catch me, tie me down, gag me, and knock me senseless if you think you are going to have any success at this, and when I do not want to be caught, I will NOT be caught!!! And I DON'T want to be caught, so TOUGH BENUCHEES SISTER!!!

So, for your own good, I have placed a CAVEAT in this blog as well, similar to the one I placed of facebook. And I state: "I am NOT for consumption! You are all to refrain from any attempts to culinate me in ANY way, shape or form! Any violation of this caveat, will result in the following actions in this order. You will be declawed, bikini-waxed, neutered, pulverized and then dissolved! ALL companies formed with the intent of cooking, eating or selling ANY part/s of me MUST cease and desist immediately, or you WILL be reported to your mommies and be given thorough spankings!!!"

So, having stated that, I shall continue to go to the gym, and get my ham-hocks to become so tough and rubbery, even more so than before, and if this continues, I will threaten to do something else horrible! I will stop moisturizing!!! So they will be dry and tasteless as well! So there!!!

MOI