Meet the two new MEMBERS of my Household!

Just the other day, I had the painful task of watching my good old faithful Hortence (toaster) die a slow, agonizing death! With every labour-intensive rasping breath, she sparked and sputtered to produce warm toast, fit for butter and jam. And finally, the day came when she looked at me, with crumbs in her tray, she reached out her plug to me, and muttered the last words of the ghost of Hamlet Sr. to his son in life, Hamlet, "Remember me!" And then, she died!

After a period or wearing the black dress, heels and veil, and the moments of grieving, I decided that it was time (*gasp*) to move on. So after doing research online, I zwiddled desperately (hamhocks-a-blur) to Canadian Tyre where I found another who I deemed to be worthy of replacing my former friend. And while I was at it, I came across another interesting individual which I also needed to get, and fetched him at a good price at the store next door.

So now, I would like to introduce the two new members of my kitchen family! Meet GLADYS, the four-slotted stainless steel Brevetti toaster, and MILTON, the Peugeot wooden pepper mill!!! And now, I know you are all dying to know, so I will tell you about them.

Let's start with Gladys! Now Gladys is a strong-willed, temperamental-type of toaster who, when she thinks I am not watching, tends to have moments of emotional outbursts. From time to time, she flings herself on the counter with her lever on your forehead (yes, toasters have foreheads!) lamenting about never being able to see her home country of Italy again. Well actually, she was made in China, but somehow, she did not get that memo. Since moving in, she has threatened Bunny, the blender, called Beatrice, the dishwasher fat, and put two vendetta hits out on Winston, the stove. Things have gotten so intense that I have had to take the precaution of plugging her OUT at night, so that she does not try to take over the world while sleeping. I am just waiting for her to calm down and settle in to being a toaster before I give her any added responsibilities.

Milton, however, is the total antithesis of Gladys. He is a lover, not a fighter. As a typical French-mill, he has wasted no time in trying to seduce the bottle of olive oil next to him. Berta (the bottle of olive oil) has been complaining that he is always trying to get all up in her "bottle" (which I think any way you look at it is just totally KINKY), and she is not impressed. He somehow managed to sneak his ukulele into the cupboard and plays it all night long while singing to the bottle of red wine in the corner. Little does he know that her name is Carmen, and she is a gypsy who eat pepper-mills for breakfast!!!

So there you have it. I am sure that with time, these two new upstarts will fit in and become fully assimilated. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go put out a small argument between Prudence and Gladys. They do NOT get along!!!

Moi